Tainted memories.
I was plugged in to my mp3 on the busride today. When the friggin' thing decided to play Lighthouse Family's Over the fence or something. I know it goes something like the grass is always greener over the fence or something like that. And guess who introduced the song to me? Miss Gabrielle Tan. Instantly, a monster wave of emotions and memories wrecked through my body, leaving me stunned and motionless till I got to my stop, rendering me into a unconcious state of gloom. It reminded me of beauty, It reminded me of a love, It reminded me of an eternity of wondering what would it have been like if we were still together. Okay, abit too far fetched.
I was watching MTV when I got home, the channel of all the junk in the world you could possibly get collected into one and sent to spread the disease of 'Coolness'. Anyway, somebody was singing about " The first cut is the deepest " or something like that and I was screaming in my head "
HOW FUCKING GOD DAMNED MONKEY FUCK SHIT TRUE! " Man, today has been crazy. Everything is reminding me of Gabrielle, every damned thing.
So, I head over to my mp3 for some musical relief. I just hit play and it plays the last song I played. Guess what? Cradle Of Filth's Gabrielle comes on. Man! Can you(points finger to the sky) up there keep a guy off his ex for once! Like holy fuck, could it all be coincidence man? Jesus christ! Okay, enough of the swearing before some demonic creature from darkest pits of Hell appears.
It has been a unfufilling day. And if you read what I had just written, you'll know why. There's no 'inspiration' to write anything interesting man. Sorry Anonymous! Oh btw, he/she reads my blog! Now, thats something to toast to!
Criticism.
I was reading a couple of blogs designed to function as a collective source of human degradation level one. Blogs such as
www.retardpatrol.blogspot.com and
www.museumoftwits.blogspot.com HEH, those blogs basically concentrate on the errr.. uneducated folk? Namely, the bengs and lians. Well, I don't want to have my Dad find my lacerated corpse in the canal opposite my block or get utterly 'mutilated' via the internet so I shall just sit on the fence and laugh at the dumb cheena pek fucks get smothered in sarcasm and wit. Sometimes, I really feel bad for them. Like, having an inadequate vocabulary really leaves them defenseless man. Oh well, good luck guys.
Do you know that you only use 3% of your brain's maximum capability? And you know what is even more amazing? Someone reads my shit! and appreciates it! I shall really head over to Georges to celebrate this one. Honestly, it is really amazing to me that someone reads my blog and he/she said that he/she enjoyed it! Now that is not something that happens pretty often to me. Along with the list of getting hit on by a babe, hearing compliments about my music, someone telling me that my tapered pants looks good and so on and so for.
Hmm, humanity will always be imperfect. No one man or woman will be entirely different or the same. No single person can say that he/she started a trend or claim credit for anything. It could have been done ages ago but just that it was never publicised. Fuck, after reading what I just wrote I feel like friggin' Confucius or some long bearded dude stroking his beard and pretending to write poetry about beauty when I'm just staring at that hot mama's big tits.
Long live imperfection! For it brings the beauty of correction.
Long live desire! For it is fuel for thievery and liars.
- Joel Heng
p.s: The little poem shit up there is purely 100% original. I swear it on my little fingers!
From a distance.
From a distance, everything seems right in place. Isn't is intriguing how our human capablities of observation and distinguishing whats right and wrong can seem so wrong and yet so right at times? It's weird, really. Ironic rather, at a point of time it was right and the next moment its wrong.
I'm tired of being so confound and complicated. I just wish that I could be that cute kid back then, running around church and playing soccer. Just plain stupid and ignorant of society, unaware of it's expectations. Without having to care about a future or results, how others perceive me, what I am supposed to do and all those stupid laws and regulations we all abide to. Now, it dawns upon me that the most fortunate people are the one's who are most 'unfortunate'. Namely, the disabled, mentally retarded and spastics. They have not a worry in the world, just frustration of the inablities.
Oh, the bliss of simplicity is overwhelming.
The Art Of Not Caring.
I have this compelling desire to grab a certain female and kiss her soft lips. At the same time, embracing the back of her head in my arms and putting a stop to all the things that you people shouldn't know about before this blog becomes notorious for the owner's interesting adult fiction entries. Actually, quite glam ah?
Imagine a conversation between two teenage fans of
www.theblogcalledit.com ,
Girl 1: " Have you read the blog today? I heard he wrote about a sexual encounter with one of his teachers. "
Girl 2: " OMG! I have to check it out. I keep sending him emails to ask him to include me in his entries, the ones that include whips and hand cuffs and those mean leather costumes. He never replies me. I wonder why... "
Bursts the dirty perverted bubble.
Anyway, now to a question that I'm sure has crossed the minds of too many a strong right handed teenager on their wild escapades with downloading programmes like Kazza, iMesh, etc. The question that seems to humiliate all reason that woman are respectful of their body and all that woman rights bullshit. Do teenage girls watch porn? And if they do, do they masturbate to it?
Well, I just happen to know of a few girls that have 'accidentally' stumbled upon porn in their computers that 'mysteriously' appeared there on the Downloaded Files section under Video Files for no reason. Upon light hearted interrogation, they resort to excuses like " My brother
la! " or the super lamo-dano " You download one right? " Well cmon'! Whats so bad if you downloaded porn? Seriously, If I found out that my girlfriend was downloading porn and ruining that nail manicure- I would not freak out! There are certain curiosities and things which all the human biology textbooks and birds and bees conversations from parents just cannot explain enough about, one of them namely- Sex. We all want to know what it feels like to 'get stuffed' and what it feels like to 'be stuffed', its only normal and human to think so. This by the way, shows sign of a brain. I believe any normal person of the average intelligence should have thoughts about the opposite sex. Would it really be so controversial if a chick digs porn?
So, sound the alarm boys. You wankers aren't the only ones watching Japanese Av Girls, MILFhunter, BangBus, hugemoviearchive.com, Cytherea and all that porn. Welcome to the age of the I.C.D.I.T.G (I Can Do It Too Girls). Body building, wrestling, getting professional jobs, drug trafficking, murder, metal and now you have another to the list. Pornography.
THE PRELIMS ARE OVER.
Today was my Science's MCQ Paper. Physics is supposedly one of my better subjects and guess what? I was too tired from sleeping so fucking late yesterday that I made
SO SO SO many mistakes man. Now, you know when your parents tell you to sleep early, you know why.On the way in the cab home today, I was discussing with the 'voices' in my head about the importance of a good family background. I compared two different species located in Singapore, both of the human teenage line. I compared the Voiddeck Mats and Ah Bengs and your stereotypical ACS(I) or CHIJTP boys and girls. The kind of boys and girls that went to cool parties where it was at someone's house that had a large pool and a barebeque going on at the same time. There would be expensive booze, maids cleaning up here and there, loads of good looking people making out and yes oh yes the occasional druken ONS. While on the other hand, your heartlander voiddeck dwellers, sit around public seating areas, shouting hokkien/malay profanities and drinking Tiger beer while having a Lian/Minah beside. Occasionally, since both parents would be working to keep the household alive. They would meet up at one of the two's place and fuck. Most of the time, the chicks would get pregnant. Blame it on barely being able to read English and the school distributing a pamphlet on Safe Sex in English.
What was it that made the two kinds of teenagers so different? My answer being, their parents. Their parents made a choice when they were about 16 or 17. They chose not to study in order to pursue their life long dream of becoming a
Char Kway Teow Hawker and selling at the famous Macpherson wet market. Not knowing that in their selfish decision, it created a spur of links that intertwined and locked itself around their baby growing in their wive's wombs. Picture this, the Good Charlotte video of Chronicles Of Life and Death. The Robot that locks a chain around the baby's arm as it just arrives unto Earth? That robot is a future, namely Money, Education, Background, Credentials, Schools of Choice, Fat cheques and fast cars. I don't know about the babes part though, they don't always have hot looking MILFs in the Mercs and BMW's.
The thing is, the two of them just do not mix. I myself do not see in any distant or long term future that I would be holding hands with a JC chick whose Dad owns SIA or something like that. Though, I might be wrong, I hope. I hope to own landed property in the future, 2 or 3 storey Terrace house. Two cars, A Jaguar and a VW Van. Two Vespas, one painted coffee brown and a dark brown shade while the other a striking lime green. A fabolously hot, sexy wife that yet again doesn't take things for granted and treasures the heart rather than the looks and the glam. Then yet again, if she is with me. She must be there for the heart, right? Tell me I'm wrong. A big kitchen with a professional chef that would cater to my love for international cuisines. A Heineken and a Stella Artois tap, A wine cellar, A extensive collection of various types of Alcohol and a bar, A swimming pool, Barbeque area in the backyard, A swing that faces the sunsets for me and my wife. Oh, the damned list would go on. I guess, At the end of the day. As long as you're happy, you're content.
Yea, Moral of the entry. Listen to your parents when they say that education is the key to riches.
IT IS! Just wish I had listened to them earlier.
Words cannot depict a princess's portrait.
You know how they say true love is accepting your partner's imperfections? I think I'm falling for this girl who is totally different from me. Don't get me wrong man, she's hot and she's female. I used to think that my future girlfriend has to be intectually competitive with me and that we should enjoy brainless conversations and debate politics and poetry. Now, I'm falling for a girl that tells me all about the 'little' stuff. When I mean 'little' stuff, I mean things like her past experiences where she went to Disneyland and things like that. The 'little' stuff, not the brain cell absorbing kinda topics. She's simple, uninfluenced by teenage trends and curiosity, religious, very modest about her looks and just your typical rich-girl-grown-up-next-door-to-you-that-you-always-had-a-crush-on-but-never-told-kinda-girl.
If I have any fans of this blog, I seriously think you would be cursing and swearing upon discovering that this entry is yet another one of the entries regarding girl problems I'm facing. I can't help it. I just spend aprox. 2 hours on the phone with her. It's fucking 2.43am, I have to get up in exactly 3 hours and 45 minutes time and yet here I am typing this and I have my prelims on tomorrow too. I think I shall brave tomorrow with a big fat Nescafe gold. One of our topics in our conversation that took place just minutes ago was the aspect of a perfect job allocation. It really wasn't that wonderful, words just make it sound intelligent and complicated. Thats why I love writing, twisting things around and slapping them back in the reader's faces. Yea, back to job allocation. She's looking for a easy job that pays well, no customer socialising, no desk jobs and it has to be something that's fun. There you have it, your typical rich girl's dream job. I have no idea on which job would best suit this dazzling beauty. One thing's for sure though, She's long term relationship material. The kinda girl your mom would be so proud of you if you brought her home. Well brought up with her moral values in her right hand and romance novel in the other. Whereas bad chicks have their left hand in a middle finger salute and their right wrapped around a penis wanking away. That's the kinda girl you wanna be with to get laid man. And that just happens to
NOT the kinda chick I wanna get together with.Love is blind and 98% of the male population is into relationships for the sex. I happen to be in the minute 2% and I'm proud of it.
The Beginning Of Hell.
Today is the end of a chapter and tomorrow will mark another day closer to the exit of my labyrnith and for those who know the story of the labyrniths of Greek history. You will also know that horrible monsters lurk in the dark shadows of the giant maze.
So, for those who didn't understand a single word I just said. It means, the closer I get to the end of the maze, the closer I get to greeting Death head on. Get it now? And of course the Death part isn't really going to happen, I hope. It just signifies me fucking up my O' Levels.
Been listening to a whole load of Iron Maiden recently. Old as they are, they are a epic chapter in Metal. I was thinking to myself that day, What if there never was a Iron Maiden? Metal would be so.. Boring? Heh, just my thoughts. I've been replaying Cradle Of Filth's Iron Maiden cover of Fear Of The Dark and Hallowed By Thy Name. Damn
shiok, I tell you! They truly add a orchestric influence on the song. And then there was Apocalyptica too, covering Metallica with four Cellos and Violins or whatever instrument they played with. Apocalyptica is damn good. They actually covered the songs to perfection, solos and everything. Now, that is
REAL musicianship.
Went out with Zhi Zong, Johnny and Jian Hao yesterday. I must say, catching up was really great. Haven't talked to those guys for so long due to different schools and a unforeseen conflict. Played pool, ate and chatted for awhile. Did all the things we used to, joked around. Great times I used to have with the Volleyball team. No regrets leaving though, I lift my chin to the skies.
Off I go now, to some
Hor Fun and the big black box.
Dystopic.
Local Melodic Death Metal band Bhelliom has a slot of vocals. Sent an email to the guys, said they'll let me know. AH, nobody knows how bad I really want ToB to get started. So many issues at hand, fragile friendships and influences being a major chunk of the problems.
I made a difficult choice today, to go for POA tuition tomorrow at the most absurb of hours for a Saturday morning or to sleep away the day. Guess what I chose? POA! I've taken a step in pursuing an interest in education. It is self-congratulatory but I'm proud of what I've done. Watched the finale of Battle Of Ozzfest today. It seemed just really ironic, despite how enthusiastic I am about metal. That I have only watched the first and coincidently the last as well.
The only wish I have now, would be to see the unlucky numbers 13. On my GCE 'O' Level score sheet. That's fucking all I want and need. And other than that, I wanna be a rock star. Metal star rather. So Dear Wishing Fairies, please grant me my wish. Or I will pull out your feathers one by one, bitch.
Not every knife must stab.
I love this new blog skin, seriously. It's so.. Me. Yea, anyway. So I took my Geography paper today. While everyone else was sweating it out, cursing and swearing as the hands ached after the tedious amount of writing required. I was in the cold air conditioned comfort of the R 'n' R room and going easy on the hands with a lap top. Wanna know how I did it? HA! Sprain your wrist first.
Today was seriously a flurry a emotions. Seeing certain people, Wanting to meet some certain people and I walked with her for a short while today. Yea, it was all good though. I just came up with this catch phrase. "Not every knife must stab, Not every wound will bleed." That is how I would term a certain friendship that I used to have. It's just weird how it all ended. Unfortunately, I would have to be the one left bleeding and disgraced.
The O's have brought an end to my 'life'. Not literally, dammit! The life I enjoyed having. Tuitions here and there, revisions for the prelims, no jamming sessions and all. I just hope it would all be worth it. The sand in the hourglass seems to deplete more and more each time I look at it but I just lift my feet unto the table and ignore the problem at hand. What's wrong with me?
Oh yea, you guys should go listen to Apocalyptica's covers of the Metallica songs. For you, anti-metal unliberated fools. All the songs are instrumental, Cello, Violin and God Knows What Other Instruments. But one thing is for sure, if you can appreciate music. You will love this like hell!
wrist's sprained!
Played soccer today. As usual TCP has a losing match first then we get warmed up, its a ritual. sprained my wrist too. Thats really fucked up because I have my prelims going on. Im fucked. Song writing has become a must every day. One title Im gonna write up on is The Silent Prayer. Its really actually about my 'faith' now. Whatever you wanna call it, its fine. I really don't care anymore. Got to go. Taking a nap then I'll most probably study. The O's are seriously draining my ass off.
15/09/2005
These past few months have surmounted a mountain of pressure that has become a parasite of my joy. I've tried so hard to smother it with booze, holidays, spending and the occasional little fling but somehow nothing is put back right again. The worst thing is the antedote is a tourniquet around my neck. Deep inside I know that time is the only reality that I need to succeed in this 'O' Levels but yet again can I bear the torment of repeating another year in the religiously dominant carnal cage? I doubt I can or will, so I'm just to suck it all up and push all the intelligience and effort I have within me and carry the fuck on with things. Now, I really regret not taking this year seriously. My god, I could have been an A1 student.
The band's had a close call this week, just yesterday to be exact. Had a pretty heated 'discussion' over our gigging matters. It's weird really, how wrong and right I can be at the same time.
Irony seems to rule with an iron fist this week. I'm 'praying' Determination and Academic Achievement will rule the next few weeks, months etc.
About GABY matters, Its Irony again. How I had the best I would ever have but I threw it all away. Irony, If there were a God of Irony. I would pull you down from the heavens and smother you with kindness. May the Gods all watch over us now, till next time.
after pulai springs trip.
MALAYSIA - TRULY ASIA.
welcome to the dusty roads of filth and heartland shops. welcome to the land where cigarette taxation is but a dream withered in the distance, where music cd taxations simply cannot be found. welcome to Malaysia.
rm7.50 for a hardpack of Marlboro's. rm43.90 for my Cradle Of Filth cd. rm200 for my new puma shades. THIS TRIP HAS BEEN GOD DAMN WORTH IT MAN! i bought Metallica's Black Album, Killswitch Engage's The End Of Heartache, a fat cigar and some Chivas. Alcohol there not cheap la, the only discouraging point. oh and i think my dad has a girlfriend, suspcious me.
would i be sucha bastard if i said that i didnt like the idea of him having a gf? i dont know.
Cradle Of Filth has this song entitled Gabrielle.
Killswitch Engage's Rose Of Sharyn reminds me of the name above. (Gabrielle la!)
I dreamnt of her before i left for Malaysia.
Could the signs not be further obvious? i think im falling for her all over again. MADNESS! i have to juggle ToB, O levels, D, G and K all in one. i should really make a decision and choose one. once again, our hero finds himself laced in webs of three beautiful creatures. they stare their captive in the eye, belittling his presence. they stab him with their eyes, piercing inside to reveal the true owner of his heart. they all gasp in horror upon the discovery of their enemy...
To be continued...
LAMB OF GOD FOR LIFE!
Lamb Of God is an awesome band. Its an intelligent band, lyrically and musically. god knows deep inside how much i want ToB to be like them but there will always be things that hold you back and all.
aiyah, i have come to my conclusion. FUCK LOVE. FUCK GETTING A GF. FUCK IT ALL. for now that it.
i think its pointless.
tired. working tomorrow. sleeping. now. GN!
hungover, after georges.
its 720 am now. at this point of time, i am experiencing a groundbreaking, hoof shattering, shepherd smiting, fucking terrible hangover. it is the first actually, i usually get runny noses but never ever hangovers. so now i have lost my hangover virginity! the intrinsic factor of the hangovers being- one graveyard, 2 carlsbergs, 1baileys straight off the rocks, 1baileys kahlua mix and hell alot of walker's black label.
i remember talking to kimberly(PINK RANGER!) about her boyfriend and all. i remember asking joshua for a drink that would kill, i remember tricia having a fucking hot friend, who was seriously damn fucking hot. no kidding, she is so so so damn gorgeous and sexy. her boobs were huge too! but thats not the point. anyway, back to the topic. i remember losing to kimberly at pool, i remember seeing crystal there. i remember squatting over the toilet hole? not the bowl modelled type, so i guess its hole. trying not to wooze left and right and at the same time, aim with dead accuracy. heh, i guess i did.
my nose feels fucked, seriously. it hurts and my mucus is superbly thick. like your milkshakes. my head hurts like someone is grabbing and using it as a basketball and bouncing it to a slow jazz number. and i just remembered, i forgot to call D last night.
NOOOO!
dannelia's lil poem/song/stanza/joke/hopeless situation
baby, dont believe their liesthey're murderers in disguiseawaiting an opportunityto kill my love that bleeds so free.my love, cant you see the lightthe sun behind the darkened skiesthe golden coin burried in the sandthe plague from god's hand.its meaningless, to hopefor something that will never grow.its meaningless to think, anymore.everything has lost all meaning if you dont believe in me anymore.
after the best jamming session ever. teachers day.
teacher's day.
so fucked up, attitude from so many people. look you stupid mofo, if you are really just dying to impress people with your awesome MAJOR CHORDS PLAYING(which you obviously fucking cant) and you feel like you're a fucking guitar god then motherfucker fuck you man. its fine by me, just want to let you know that your attitude sucks. i am not jealous, i dont have bittersweet emotions over the whole thing. the issue is, if you were that fucking concerned about class participation you have my no. you could have called, you could have told me. NO! you fucking dont have to, how would you expect me to be down for rehearsals anyway. i am nice to people who treat me with respect, tell me. which part of your actions show that you treat as a peer? i have nothing further, your fucking honour.
ACES workout. so we were supposed to run, TCP didnt want to. hid here and there and all. fucking stood for nearly an hour. LKS was shouting 'so this how you repay your teachers on teacher's day?' cmon man, its not like i gave you attitude on your all important day right? well, if thats the best reason you could come up with for being angry then im fine with it, and amused. im glad i didnt do the performance thing. my god, it would have been fucking embarassing. tho the cause is right and all, thank god. anyway, id better not drone on the issue anymore. some people might get angry and saboh and start a whole class politics war shit.
i see the stares, the unhappy glances, the flurry of emotions. friendship miscarriage, jealousy intwined. its fine man, im just going to be the person i really am. uneducated imcompetent fucks. the grass is always greener over the fence, get lost.
tower of bishops session was awesome. the only thing to leave the day with a happy note. everybody did a great job man, fear of the dark was played like never ever before. the energy i felt and i gave was at its all time maximum man. unbelievable. went to drink at the place below, heh ITE joke. then headed back to my place for some Chivas and Absolut. benefits of having alcoholic guardians, and smoking ones too. left at around 630 pm. i slept and woke up at 0341 in the morning. watched INXS, CSI, Dr House(which is bloody brilliant) and Videosomnia. wasted that our singapore music broadcasts dont feature metal. why the musical genre discrimination man? you can feature punk rock, hip hop, rnb and the fucking backstreet boys but you cant feature some Behemoth or even Stratovarius? sheesh, talk about government mind control and propaganda.
D left me with a pining feeling today. its weird, how things were great before she knew. and now that she knows which is supposedly better, things just feel strange. you know the james blunt song? you're beautiful, you're beautiful its true. i saw your face in a crowded place and i dont know what to do. cos i'll never be with you. yea, thats how i feel. all i can do is to stare and stare at her friendster pics and just think to myself how beautiful she is. dream and fantasize about being with her, holding her hand and all but all the dreams and fantasies will be short lived. believe the impossible, my class motto. however, somethings will never be possible. like how our earth's gravity will always remain the same, like how you can never be able to achieve everything you sought out to, like how i will never be with her. wishful thinking did nobody any harm tho. d, im seriously beginning to feel like im falling for you.
