FIGHTING MYSELF

I think I am about the happiest bastard in the entire area os Pasir Ris today. I woke up at about 3 or 4. Talked to Ally & Jon walking around the house, walked into my Dad's room and guess what I see on the table.

It's sleek, it's black and it's way fucking cool. It was a laptop.

FOR MY BIRTHDAY! Thanks Dad, not like I'm telling you my blog address but if you ever accuse me of never thanking you then this is my gathered evidence. Thanks anyway, I know I'm a rough kid to bring up and I thank you for never giving up. Smooth, that's how we do it.

Town yesterday with Min, Sham, Aggy, Vin and with Ms Jessica Fedora. And I have realised one thing after all, maybe it's just me. I just confuse people. Hahah, poor Rafio, I am so sorry.

Then back to the Eastside yo, chillin' with my homeys Jon Prog and Hilmie. Yeah dawg, we ain't be trippin' no more ya'll. We be rollin'.

Whatever.

New addictions, Mildseven Originals, Dj Shadow feat. Mos Def's Six Days,and my CharSiew Crew! Conference like siao, handphone bill will be a nuclear bomb. Finally, I have internet, at home. After such a long break, it is definitely very much welcome.

I saw Monday Girl twice, yesterday and today. Both at Cine, both with her girlfriend, that is quite buang. Baby, you had me.

posted by JOEL @ 4:30 PM 0 comments

Speculations. That breed more questions and more unknowns. Like fog unto a path that leads to a even less blatant demise.

I believe it to be unavoidable.

I think, I think, I think.

You're just perfect in these cold, broken eyes.

posted by JOEL @ 9:44 PM 0 comments

3D presentation's over. I am at risk and unsatisfactory. And it can't get anymore obvious that Heleston fucking hates my guts. I believe he has some inferiority complex against taller and bigger guys. I really think so. He has this motherfucking sickass ego that is getting to me. He also has this motherfucking wayward perception that he is fucking smart and knows all. Oh, all bow before the motherfucker.

Kampong Glam today with the Pioneers with several new additions, company was fine. Then Jon and I headed to Bishan to meet up with Celestine. Doug, Alex, Kun, Ber, Deborah and other new people. Don't know who ah.

We left them only to realise that we had missed the last bus. I want to thank my saviour for the day. Agnes Ho Wei Xian for loaning me 2bucks. And letting me waste time at her house. THANK YOU GREAT QUEEN ARO! ALL HAIL THE QUEEN!

Tired. Photoshop project coming up. And Monday Girl Blues is getting to me.

I am becoming a desperate, horny, lonely boy. I am at a certain point of desperation where ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

posted by JOEL @ 6:36 AM 0 comments

Finally, one out of the 3 presentations are over. Just left with 3D, tomorrow and Photoshop on Monday. A little more relieved.

Monday Girl is lesbian. My classmate's cousin's girlfriend. How sad, how disappointing, how cruel.

I think I will seriously be single for like another year lah, sad but true. I am growing all thanks to the Breda and late night beer sessions with the neighbour, Jon from PROGERIA(www.myspace.com/progeria). A very talented drummer, completely obsessed with offbeat patterns and sickass pedalling. Go check the band out this December 2nd at Gas Haus!

You do know which other band is performing at Xtreme Metal Fest '06 don't cha?

Yes, Massecration is performing. Tense, nervous and just plain ass worried. I never told anybody this before but it doesn't affect me emotionally if I tell people now. Everytime I wanna sing or growl rather. I always feel the urge to puke. Not due to the vibratons along the throat. It's really just nausea. Weird.

2D Presentation went fine I guess. I am liking Scary Mary more now. Someone to give me a good sarcastic whipping. I need some intelligent speak, life is mundane.

MONDAY GIRL IS LESBIAN HAVE I TOLD YOU ALL?! No words to describe lah, se-riously. Sad, I guess.

posted by JOEL @ 12:51 PM 0 comments

Computer is broken. Not literally, pun intended. Thank god for the old man helping me with all my 3D work. THANK GOD.

So I finally got to see her again, with a response less worthy of that to a flying banana peel. Depressing can, everything plus schoolwork is really killer. Couldn't sleep last night, probably too used to getting to bed high. Booze is running out and so is the cash flow. Just thought about if I'd ever get the chance to finish my tattoo up before the end of the year.

I got so broke, I ended up staying home despite Jon's constant bugging to go down to 168 and Aggy's jioing(which is not often) to TP. I don't know why I'm broke, actually I do lah. But I can't help it. They say everybody's got their vices, mine's the bottle.

And Monday Girl's smile just makes my day anytime. But all she gives me are frowns, WAH LAO!

posted by JOEL @ 3:48 PM 0 comments

So what's a moment spent in time?
An hour, a second, a timeless ordeal.
Minutes pass me by, sleepless nights;
Spent gazing at her beautiful face.

Memory, holds in its clenched grip;
Her smile, her eyes and her nonchalent glance.
Beyond compare, I find myself spiralling unto tulip beds.
Where we lie and talk for hours.
Oh, how great and pure is the mind of Cupid's fallen.

I begged to see you today,
I begged to just have a glance at you walking past me.
Or starring past these affectionate eyes.
I wish I knew you, I wish.

I wish I would round up the horses,
in a gallant charge and joust my will to victory.
To hold you here and dance away those lonely nights.
But all I have are pictures drawn from my memory.

Of that starlet beauty that stole my attention.



So today was a cockup. Went to film workshop for what? Just to see the Performing Arts people dance. Seriously, NB Cheese Bun. What a frucking waste of precious time that could have been used to complete my projects.

Spent the day lepak-ing at Carrie's. She has my dream house, already. Issues about her and othere's perception of what she is. Well, fuck that. Who gives a fuck what people think when all you need is just that special person in your own little world?

Chasing Cars has been on loop. The entire bus journey home. And guess who's on my mind?

Lord knows what I'd give just to see her. Or did I? Did you cut your hair and take out the piercing? It's hard to tell when those precious little sights are ever so vague and colourless.

Where are you?

posted by JOEL @ 11:51 PM 0 comments

I find myself constantly thinking of her. The cute girl with bronze streaks and the lip piercing. Constantly. When Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol goes 'We'll do it all, everything. On our own. We don't need, anything or anyone.' I just keep thinking about her, crazy as it sounds. It sounds like a whole COW again.

It's just something about her brash attitude, the way she holds her cigarettes, the way she glances at me from afar and the way she doesn't care at all when I just daze ever so foolishly at her. There's nothing about her that I don't like already. I don't know what class she's in. Only that she takes 14 from the bus stop opposite school. And that we only see each other every Monday. From Tues to Thurs and even on Fri where it's mass lecture, I don't get to see my beauty or 'cute girl' as mentioned among my friends.

It's like separating yourself from this world. When everything you wanna be with is something you're so afraid of. Like estranging yourself from that ever so elusive drug. I should emphasize on ELUSIVE.

I miss her already. I haven't seen her in 6 days. I think about her all the time. About the meeting of our eyes. About her pretending not to see. About her making her hair. About her laughing with her friends. I'm just lost in her.

Will God give me the courage to speak to her?

Hell, even friendster doensn't help what more for religion.

Even Jon sees his 1Z girl's pics at com lab(LaSalle using iMac's, so alot of cam-whoring.), I keep switching computers just to find her face but she's never there.

I miss you.

posted by JOEL @ 2:36 AM 0 comments

I have already failed my first term of school at LaSalle. All thanks to a fantasatic attendance record and that ever eager urge to procrastinate. Well, I am reaping what I have sowed in all sense of the word. I have too many projects undone, projects that require at least a week to finish up. I have about 7 of them to be done in 2 weeks.

I don't know if I should pray for help. The God I once knew doesn't exist in me anymore, perhaps just my imagination but yet again how explanatory can the word Faith be. I know I have none.

It's simply adding on already to the many pressures that I face.

Who knows what tomorrow brings, perhaps a better day.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

posted by JOEL @ 4:01 PM 0 comments