Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Elections 2006.

How many youths are actually concerned with their future? Letsay the people that run our country, or perhaps their unplanned futures?

Cmon, lets face it. No kid wants to grow up and get their hands stuck in 'adult' stuff. We are all happy people as long as there's that 'chocolate' in the fridge aren't we?

How about if I go a step back and steal your fridge?

Smile children, this part gets ugly. Close your eyes with your hands so you don't see it. Now, cover your ears as well. Turn away, don't look in my eyes.

Honestly, I don't want to give a fuck. But can I?

Honestly, I don't want to give a fuck. But can I not? I can't help it that my future seems screwed like a whore's butthole. I don't want to care, don't want to bother myself with depressing thoughts. As always, I succeed at doing so. But can I? I guess it's really weird how I always enjoyed life. Never taking bad results, breakups, losses seriously. I always found another reason to smile.

I daresay in my entire life, I have never been pissed over a person for more than 2 days. Okay, there was Gillian but that was about 4 years back. Somehow, I have this inate ability to confuse myself with happy and cheerful thoughts so I never face reality. I used friends, alcohol, contraband, sports, and any other device that can keep your mind focused or rather off focus for about an hour and after I do so, I forget that embarassing, sad, angry moment completely.

Somehow, this placebo effect has helped me get through hell and back. But what's the point if I always end up fucking myself up. Where's the dignity in that? Where's the bravado? I guess it's just time to face things up straight.

Adversity.

What does one do when he/she faces a dilemma? Does one blend into the situation and solve the problem? Or should one stay true to his/her moral beliefs and stand firm?

It's just disgusting how nowadays, problems can only be solved by conforming to the authority. I'm not suggesting that we all turn into punks or skinheads, hell no. That's the dumbest shit ever, if you're a real anti-government person then don't take the public buses or trains. Don't support the country at all. Too bad sucka, we have to.

Been in deep thought recently. Maybe I'm jealous that Gaby's doing so well, that she's moving on. Maybe I'm just pissed with myself once again. Time and time again, I still think she's the only one for me. Girl after girl, nobody can ever touch me the way she did. Die, getting emo all over again.

Laselle interview this Thurs. Worried as hell, I need this one.

Everything's right in place, just that you're no longer here to laugh with me.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

The man I once hated, I love most now.

Things have been going great with Dad and I recently, getting along real well. I think that truthfully, he has sacrificed so much for me. I love my Dad, now. The man, I once hated most, I love most now. Happy 45th old man!

Celebrated Dad's birthday at Kushinbo. The Kushinbo song is horribly irritating. But their icecream candy thing is superb man! Loved the soft shell crab, sashimi, chawanmushi and the japanese curry the most! Fuck the skinny crab thing, worse than Miss Bambooshoot!

After dinner, went to Auntie Aggy's class chalet. Aha, fucking extra I know. Played murderer there and turns out I'm quite good! Had a fever that's really killing me so I left in the morning.

Dentist checkup- I have a huge hole in my tooth, need some root canal operation to fix it but that would cost me a 1000 bucks. Since it's at the back then let it drop off lah! Don't care. That was my actual response but when he told me my front teeth were decaying as well.. I immediately thought about reconstructive work to be started at once. Yet again, it's gonna cost about 400bucks. Oh well, bo-gay = sexy right?

I'm glad I'm finally over that prissy bitch. I'm glad I'm not with her anymore, thank god.

Angels fall forth, the devil's a slaughtering.
Blow thy horns divine, may thee not falter.

Having a horrible sorethroat or something. Fucking scared I'll never be able to growl again.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

There's no step to go forward to.

There's nothing else to look forward to nowadays. I have no step forward to take anymore. The only great thing happening so far is getting Vital Remain's Dechristianize album. At least I have something to smile for.

I started thinking that maybe if I had only conformed to the norm, that if I didn't express myself so freely I might actually have a future. Oh yes, it's everybody's fault but mine(Quote:Mosesfuckbag).

It's getting boring. Demon Hunter's Not Ready To Die is on repeat on my player. No inspiration from the song anymore, like a rag squeezed dry already. What's next man?

Monday, March 13, 2006

Singaporean Damnation

Sitting in the MRT just now with Kent, I noticed something very peculiar. Then, it was getting inked at Primitive Bugis that I noticed the very same thing again. Shocked out of my wits and grimacing in pain. I decided to distract myself from the pain and just imagine a different Singapore with those weird looking people walking around.

I witnessed an Ahbeng dressed in a black Slipknot tee, a KNNBCCB Ahlian sporting a Korn tee and a Supaminah dressed in the Ahbeng & Ahlian banana pants! My dear Singaporeans, this is a culture shock! We seemed to have swapped dress-up styles with the opposite races! This will in the end lead to a disaster that will leave the majority of Singaporeans jobless and poor!
When Mats & Minahs try speaking Singlish(It's a Singaporean thing.) with that very distinctive whiny, duck Mat voice. It just sounds horrible! Vice versa for the Ahbengs & Ahlians. The global industry has shifted almost 69% to the service sector. If that is the case, we Singaporeans are doomed! How will we be able to converse in understandable English with our clients? Countries will avoid Singapore and we will lose all investments blah blah blah and thats how it will end. Singapore, once the pride of Asia(Hey, we made Soundblaster!) will now be reduced to shambles.

We will be a land of people unable to converse with tourists or foreigners. Kinda like Japan or France. We will be broke as hell, we will have multiple gangs running the country and the main job supply will come from rickshaw riding, robbery and prostituition.

Oh well, that kept my mind off the pain for about 18 minutes before Baldwin changed needles to the fat fat painful one. Ahhh, I am no masochist I tell you. Pain is painful fullstop.

The Hippiest Week In March

This week has been entitled the Hippiest Week In March. Why, you may ask. Well, it's this simple. I have an entire portfolio to be complete by Thurs by which I have done squat's worth of work. I will be drawing bright colours, staying home and contributing heavilly to the Earth's already dying enviroment's horrific death through 2nd hand smoke. Wowee, it's gonne be an awesome one!

Am writing this just before leaving my place to go for another tattoo session at Primitive. Hmm, can't wait to see it get completed man. Seriously, the blank patches get increasingly irritating over the days. My colleague thinks I'm a sadist, just because I went to cut my right ear from 16ga to 0ga. For those not familar with gauges and stuff, I cut my ear from a small ear hole to a big ear hole(about 8-9mm).

The short feature film on body modification isn't exactly going smooth as well. So I guess, the only pot of gold at the end of this fucking dark rainbow will be Metal Industries 3 and Metal Wars 2 all happening this week.

Goals for the week- Go for MI3 and MW2!, Get laid soon, Get very fucking drunk and most of all Jesus if you actually are there, I want to do well for my interview this Thurs!

A-fucking-men.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Look into these eyes

Look into these eyes, the ones that bled for you;
The mysterious glimmer in them, this painful truth.

Jammed today with Cardinal Sins, auditioned the new guitarist, Ah-Dam. Quite a nice quiet dude. Kinda fucked up cos he learnt the wrong parts. Nice guy though he's very very quiet. Heh, did up the intro piece for our first original. Quite liked it man. I whisper ' All those times, those sacred moments. Peace will leave my mind because everything's a..' then screech 'lie' like Caliban's vocalist on The Beloved and the Hated's intro. Everything's going well so far. Lamb of God cover band jamming tommorrow, worried I won't deliver. Really not easy to do vocals for Laid to Rest. The scream after the 'See who gives a fuck' x3 is very hard for me. Joined the Messianic Delusion, filling in the vocalist slot. It's a Black Metal band with Matt as their drummer. Should be good. But I'm a death metal vocalist leh, Black Death?

It seems almost as if music is my life man. Jamming, watching people jam, going to gig or gig'les'(Quote:Darren) and listening to it whenever I can. I want to make it my life but can I?

Been drinking Black Label like hell. Throat's not taking it well, getting very sore. Getting stoned seems to be the only release that has an effect like a solid jamming. Now you know why all those rock'n'roll people always get associated with booze.

Wish me luck for school applications and appeals!

Was reading The Devil's Notebook by a Anton DeLavey(I think thats how it's spelt), really intersting. I think I have alot of common philosophies and thinking patterns just that he puts it down in profound english. However, I don't share his anti-christ beliefs. It's equality and humanity I believe in. Humanity is practical but we humans are not logical(Quote: Dad and Me this morning). You see, he's the author of The Satanic Bible. Satanism is not a religion but rather a belief and way of perception that accepts reality as it is, humanity as we are, a different thinking pattern that depends on the human self rather than a unseen force. Very very intersting shit.


Just want to tell you that I'm serious but you aren't.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Life as it is

Life as it is, is always like a box of chocolates(Quote:Forrest Gump). Working at NYDC as I had thought previously would be a bore. Total bore, but so far things have been great! Met some really nice new people.

Been thinking about my past recently, the gang days, the weed weekends, the druken nights, the stupid things I've done, the fights I've lost, the one's I've come out bloody yet victorious, the loves I've lost and the one I'd rather lose. Been drinking alot too, so that probably will tell you how I feel about my past.

I want to have a new change, a new start to things. Kinda like a new leaf, not that I lead a very tainted reputation or what. Just that, you know how it feels good that no one knows shit about you? Yea, kinda like that.

Caught Big Momma's House 2 with Reuben, Leslie, Subra, Jansher and Shafiq today. Must say it was great, the show is stinking hilarious. Very nostalgic moments.

There's quite abit of tension between me and Reuben now. He decided to disband the Tower Of Bishops. Oh well, fuck that. Can't be bothered. He's too busy acting cult and fierce and all that. Ahahah, he's so proud to be playing metal. Not Old Man's Rock(Quote:Bryan J) but Metal man. Metal like Judas Priest, Black Sabbath kinda stuff. Like fuck man, I don't have any qualms about metal in the 60's or 70's but bums me out. I love death metal and all but you will never see me acting fierce and stuff.

Been hanging out with this dude recently, who is actually a mad techno freak and mando pop lover but all of a sudden he's damn metal. 18 Visions la, VENOM la, LAMB OF GOD la. He has all the fucking tees! Wonder honestly if he has ever heard a single song from ANY of the bands man. Like what the fuck is with acting fierce, acting metal, acting 'kvlt'! Metal is not about any of that man, those behavior patterns are just stereotypes of what the music is deemed to portray. Angst, rage, hatred and a definite rebellion to the norm. But hell, what the heck is going on these days.

Very tired of having stupid flings and regretting and worrying about the consequences. I honestly from the bottom of my heart, just want to settle down with a nice girl. Good natured, a little wild and just plain NORMAL. Where in the world is my NORMAL girl? Somehow, I'm kinda worried that I will eventually be a priest as 'predicted' by all my aunties. Damn.

Girls nowadays, very confusing. What happened to all the good girls?

I really just want to lie next to you and that is ALL. Keep your dress on, please.