Greetings from Below
You know, sometimes it just gets too tiring. When I look at our human society and I see it plagued with different forms of prejudice. See people who could have lived in actualy perfect harmony pit themselves against the other. It is just frustrating and horrifying at the same time. How is it humanly possible for someone to direct a gun at another's head and pull the trigger. See brain matter spurt out the bullet hole. All this is the name of one's race, religion, cause or just plain madness.
It pains me to look at scenes of destruction and realise the loss that the families suffer. The children live without the touch of a mother or father. Children have to start working and often in countries where these brutalities occur. They do the labourer jobs. In other words, back breaking work.
That one lying on the floor could have been a father of seven or the only child to a mother already lying on a hospital bed.
For every soul will never know vengeance till wrath has been set upon it's course.Till wrath has taken over his being will vengeance enlighten him and by then all has been lost.And to now quote Plato,
Only the dead have seen the end of war.
29/05/2006
Spent yesterday bumming around with the Roughcast people or rather 3/5's or it. I tell you, I have uncovered the master of irritation. It is no longer the mighty Nurul. No way man, it is the mighty mighty mighty kick ass all mihgty HAKIM. You will never find out why and I'd rather you not as well.
Got my first cheque from Timbre! $457.50, now now people I won't treat you to anything at all. Unless you happen to do sexual favours for me. Can't wait to bank it in. Plus my other NYDC pay cheque and my allowance. It'll be 600 bucks. The most amount of money in my bank account ever. I'll probably get called up for investigation of money laundering or whatever.
I miss her, so very much. I miss her leaning on my shoulder. I miss her laughter, I miss her jokes, I miss her smile.
Penang approaches us ever so quickly, ever so evidently. Will we rise to the occation? Matters complicate, I knot myself up in my pride.
No man know no fear, No man know no terror.No man know the truth that he seeks.Are we not all wanderers in this morbid grey? Are we not all conquerors of this blind mordern age?No man knows no crime, no man knows no hunger.No man knows no sin greater than disobedience.Are we not all slaves to our lives?Are we not all forbidden to be great?
TRIBUTE TO PLATO.
Bless these tears that never forbade,the cruelty of humanity, the dignified insane.Accolades of our endless insanity, Accolades of our tormented serenity.In the dark of this abyssmal horror, the sun refuses to set us free.We dig deeper and deeper.Crawling down, never looking up.Falling, Never failling but leaping to the ground.To our graves of deserving screaming frowns.Standing at the edge of the line,The expendable assets, the chosen to serve.This undying hate shall be immortalised.Mark the infants, let them never forget.That only the Dead Have Seen The End Of War.
Jassie.
My dog Jassie, passed away. After 11 years of endless joyous moments, her never failing support and all the love and joy she has brought me. She has gone to her end. I still remember bringing her home for the first time. Whispering in her ears on the car ride home "We're gonna be brother & sister." Truly, no more could I have asked for. They say dogs are man's best friend. Couldn't agree more. All the breakups, the failures and all the joyous occasions. She's been there with me even more than Wei Ting, Gabriel, Reuben, Daniel or even my parents can could have been combined. God rest her soul. RIP my best buddy. You will always be cherished and loved till my very last breath.
Sweet sweet scent of your drafted hair, as I reach down to pull to my chest.That neverending energy, that never dying youth, the bliss of youthfulness, temporary in eternity.Oh old friend, do you remember our times? Our little moments together, where the world sunk outward and only we remained.3 years have past since I last saw you and there you are again. Older, weaker but our bond still the same. I kiss you on your forehead as we run toward the sun, setting in motion as life's end will eventually come.This day you leave, without last embrace. This day I mark, to remember your face.22 of May, my mourning palace be none.I shall remember your face always until my dying day has come.With all the love and energy I can spare, With all my heart. Goodbye forever Jassie. You will and have always been in my heart.
Walking Down Friendship Lane
Found some really really old photos in my old computer. Backed them up for memories sake and ahaha, here's one.
Lotsa memories with this picture. The games, stupid Marcus Wong's idea of using luminous fluid to write a message on the wall. Getting caught in the golf course. These were the best times, when we were so united and so strong together. SPP Servers. Always remembered. Anyone spot the bell bottomed ahbeng? Ahahaha. Marcellus, Ironman, BMG, Qibo and pervert brother, Brandon Qikopek, Nicholas Tay. Miss all those fellas still, one's a model, one's in OCS, one's in SFX, one's in disbelief.
Ahhh.... memoirs of an ahbeng. Now, that'd be a major blockbuster.
After Schndler's list.
Since you guys have never seen Cookie and thanks to my not so new phone. Here's the lil bugger! Chewing on my shoelaces if I might add.
Just caught Schndler's List again. Damn, it is one hell of a good movie. Truly, the most epic and moving war flick in my very honest opinion.
Off tomorrow. Ahhh.. Relief.
After Da Vinci movie.
Just caught the Da Vinci movie. All the hype of it being an anti-christian and blasphemic occult production is all bullshit, to me anyway. Well, it's weird that the certain countries want to ban the film. It has great camera work, everything is as the great Dan Brown would have portrayed it in words. Oh well, everything defends their ugly truth ain't it?
Was just thinking on the very fucking long NR ride home. Why do people question what we cannot know or rather why do we not question what we cannot know? Questions like Who is God? Is he all powerful? Well, to be fair. Who is Satan? What does he do?
I used to believe that if there is a force that represents the good of humanity of uncontrolled forces, there must be a bad. Technically, Christians do not allow themselves to indulge in thoughts of a satan. For he has been banished to an eternity in captivity(Hell, I presume?) Is such a clause to defend it's cornerstone of Christianity being a religion instead of a post religious karma reaction? Then, I must question why movies such as The Exorcism Of Emily Rose had been produced to inspire Christians and Catholics alike that their faith is supreme. I do not doubt the genuine motives of the Catholic church or that of Catholic believers alike. I simply do not understand.
To me, religion is a grey area that is just simply too cloudy and confusing. Should we be religious just to avoid eternal damnation or should we be religious for the very fact that we should be good, humane beings? If so, if I have been a kind, forgiving and mercyful person all my life. Would that not entitle me to heaven or nirvana as well? If not, why not? Must I be of the religious group to attain it's glorious treasures after my time has past? If so, is it not similar to racism or perhaps in this case it's very own breed of religiou-ism?
Technically, religions preach about not being selfish. Racism is selfish in it's own way. Does it not criticise it's own self by not allowing a person of good character and deeds into it's 'heaven'? if he/she does not belong to the religion itself? This branding of religion is indeed utterly confusing.
If I may quote, "Once is a mistake, twice be a motive and thrice, malice." There are too many similarities that all together conform into religion as a whole. I mean, Christianity similar to Buddhism, Islam similar to Hinduism. Isn't it true? Doens't it strike you that practically all the humane values were all neatly written ages ago by religion transcripters and writers alike? Does all that similarity combined together mean anything? Perhaps. If you notice, Islam was started mainly in Arab countries, Christianity in the European continents, Buddhism in China and India. All these countries are geographcally crafted into what seems like a religious zone for the different religious groups. A base you might say. Mecca for Muslims and Rome for the Catholics. Could Heaven and Hell be just a fairytale myth to keep the children obedient, to keep the men from murder, to keep the women adultering, to keep evil as they knew it away?
It could be. Religion came at the point of time where the early settlers actually believed that the world was a giant flat piece of land. That the earth's end was at the tip of the furthest geogrphically known position. Doesn't say much except that they were very misled, confused and scared people.
Don't get me wrong either. I am no satanist or pagan cult. I have no modus operandi. I have no motive whatsoever. Just my thoughts. In my opinion, Religion has been very effective in supressing crime and making people good people. Imagine if you hated that guy behind you, you kill the guy and end of story. You would have no conscience, no law of emotional gravity. What would that make us all? After all, murderers are burnt eternally in the afterlife aren't they? Reliving every single painful moment, day after day. In the fiery pits dug for sinners. Right?
My conclusion? We need morals, conscience and laws. Fullstop. Nothing else really. Our human minds are strong enough to lean on toward what we don't know and what we must know. We are strong enough.
Mysteries of our Apocalyptic Demise.
Just got back from work. Bushed, terribly pissed at some really eff-ed up customers. Just because I'm in the service line does not exactly give you the advantage of abusing my very own rights. You're just lucky you didn't say the wrong thing mofo.
Too tired to blog a full entry, nothing exciting happened anyway. Oh, maybe except that you called. :) I shall drink to that, cheers all!
Shall just leave you guys with a lil poetry that I wrote a couple of days back. After a couple of gin tonics/gin raspberry/ gin orangej/ vodka whiskey orangej/ singapore slings.
Washing Away the MemoriesNothing saves me, nothing from these self inflicted tragedies.Even my abyssmal conscience cannot defend my very humanity.Pictures collide along with those written dagger that plunge into this beating flesh.Time and time again, an unconscious longing to be with you again. The love cupid snatched.My barren dying garden, is now filled with your flowers.The light of the day, and the moon of my night.Forget Me Nots, they them.Remind Me Not, I scream at them.I try so hard to push you away, out of my mind, out of my thoughts.These crushing memories bring me to my knees, to the floor.Washing it all away, never helped put my restless heart at ease.I beg my sanity to be itself once again, please, please.I feel it dripping down my hands, these painful thoughts.I feel it all slide down, towards that ember water.I feel it all go away, this misery that binds me.I let it all go away, my sanity.
Buddy's sick.
Oh yea, the gig poster for July. Looks like it's confirmed already eh? Shoutout to the brothers in Roughcast. Thanks bros! Let's blast Penang together.
It's so fucking scary.
Looking at my best buddy of ten and a half years and watching her as she slowly lets age take her away. Watching her every gasp of air go down so painfully. It really feels like a slow torture, a prolonged agonisation. I'm just dazed and confused. Is euthanesia the only way out for my Jas?
Questions and more questions with answers that lead to even more questions.
It doesn't help that memories of our past keep haunting me. Keep daring me to leave them behind, keep taunting my judgements. Gaby's 18th. I would love to go if she still wants me to. Questions again, cold answers.
It's hard to be my usual cheerful self nowadays. How do I? How the fuck do I?
Mothers Day
Mom's Day today. Sent a text to her in the morning. Kinda sad to tell her about Jassie's weakening condition too. It pains me to bring bad news to anybody. Let alone, my mom.
Madness. That's what I'm suffering from. From soccer at YCK to soccer and basketball in Bishan, what other symptoms than the above derive to MADNESS. Cheers to Hakim, Alvin, Desmond, Haswan, Joshua, Ah Min(Meng), and Auntie Aggy for a crazy night of ghost stories cockroaches, laughing and sports. It's the little things that make us all go wild, ain't it?
God dammit, I slept the entire day. Waking up at 1030pm completly refreshed and ready to go out but guess what! Everybody has school, can't go out and stuff like that. Off tomorrow, gonna take good care of my canine buddy. Hope she gets well soon, very soon.
And you remembered me, just before the west winds fade.And you sang to me, Come along now our bed is made.I followed that sweet voice to the edge of the cliff.She said "Let's jump together, and never again will we miss the other.For forever in your arms I will lay, till our bodies rot and fly away.Toward a western wind where our ashes lay, one in the other in mind, body and spirit forever."And I jumped off with her to the endless orange blaze where our bodies entwined and fell to our death.
Where's the fun.
So touched by Auntie Aggy's comment on your blog by saying that she's so happy seeing the band take off. THANK YOU AUNTIE! I'm very happy seeing your strain your tiny fingers as well.
Well, back to work tommorrow. It's so hard to lie to someone that's so nice and caring to you. It's so difficult to be living a lie and to be a fraud.
It's not helping that I'm missing Mom all over here from Singapore. Miss the Australia trip so badly, the Toohey's, the steak at Shark Hotel, the burgers at Chicken Yeeros, drinks at the Sydney Harbour, watching the squared box, waking her up every morning. I just miss my mom, fullstop period whatever. I just wish I could be with her one more week.
I'm torn from inside out, the only things that keep my mind off everything that's fucked up is the booze, the music and the weed. Sometimes it gets to the point where nothing is strong enough, nothing can gets me high enough. That's when I get scared.
Have I already reached my end? My reluctance to let go of my habits, will it kill the me I know? The me you know? I feel my sanity dimming and blackening to non-existence, I feel nothing anymore. I don't know love, I don't know how to love, how to find love. All I know are memories, and nothing else.
Maybe A Flower In June
Maybe a flower in June will make you remember me,maybe the night time breeze or that chilly balcony.Maybe just maybe it'll be us again, for that one last symphony.Jamming was good. Glad everybody likes the new stuff. Aggy was doing her dolphin communicating voice. Lighter! Lighter! Lighter! Lighter!
Cookie's being so adorable nowadays. Just from rubbing his head against my feet to nudging me to fill his water bowl. So 'Awww' right? Ahah, Jassie the old girl is getting quite pissed with him acting cute.
Today is Father and Son Gets Drunk Day. Very drunk.
Scars Of My Crucifix
I look back on the last couple of months and compare them to my past. My my, what a fruitful time is has been. Like finally, I'm in a band that gives me the same comfort and friendship as Witchlist. Still miss the very overdosed times with Reuben and bunch. I really miss my secondary school buddies! What happened to TCP(Tan Cok Peng FC)!
It amazes me because I'd never thought that someone whom I've held so close as a brother, one that I would actually fight and bleed for would be so distant. Well, maybe things are better that way. All thanks to that nympho.
Massecration we are. All thanks to clever Auntie Aggy for the input much to the very silent disfavour of Ha-chuan. Been listening ALOT to Deicide's new stuff. In particular, Scars Of The Crucifix. God, what a big jump from the old Deicide but hell I like it! As usual, Glenn Benton is a vocal monster.
Penang Gig is really getting me all hyped up. I don't know what to say! The last time I was on a stage all I said was "Err.. We are going to play a song from Iron Maiden called Fear Of The Dark" to an entire crowd of very blur and boozed up people."
I really don't like the drugs but the drugs like me.
